Kill 'Em With Kindness

Out of the blue I was just remembering one particularly obnoxious customer.

She was part of a party of 3, and her and her boyfriend(?) didn't show up at first, so their friend showed up ahead of time. I got him a drink so he had something to sip on. Then he started getting text messages from the woman on what she wanted to drink. It was something I AND the bartender had never heard of. The way the guy was relaying the texts, it was a mixed drink. So my bartender is looking through all of her drink books to try to find it, and it's not there. I tell the guy that and he says oh well, we'll just wait for her to explain.

When she arrives, I start asking her about the drink she was requesting over text (gawd). She crinkles up her nose and sneers at me. "It's a type of BEER." Her tone was that of somebody talking down to somebody. Well excuse ME, my bartender hadn't of even heard of it lady!

I calmly explained that we did not have that kind of beer, and she orders something else. Then her date wants to order. He orders a mixed drink and as I'm walking away the woman yells "Don't you need to see his ID?" I smile and say I can if he wants. Honestly, the guy looked over 30. I don't card for over 30. Shoot me. "Well why wouldn't you card him?" I look at her and say "The gentleman seems to be old enough to drink" as I wink at her and him. HE laughs. but she scowls at me. "Wow, what are you trying to say?! that he's old? There goes your tip!" she crows and makes a gesture with her fingers of a shrinking tip. I laugh it off and could see her other two guests looked uncomfortable over her behavior. I could tell this would be the beginning of a wonderful experience.

So I bring the drinks and lavish all the attention on the woman. I'm going to absolutely kill her with kindness and great service. They want to order an appetizer that has guests choose 3 sauces to go with it. They pick a sauce we no longer carry, yet it is still on the menu. I gently remind her of this. She scowls again (favorite facial expression?) and then proceeds to try to order the same sauce again. I explain AGAIN that we no longer carry it, and she gives up finally and orders two other sauces. I'm standing there waiting for her to order the 3rd but she has started ignoring me.

Realizng after 5 seconds of ignoring me that i'm still standing there, she turns to me and snaps "Why are you still standing here? What do you want?"

WTF?!

"I need your last sauce selection m'am." She rolls her eyes and orders the last sauce. I sense there might be separate checks, so I inquire. "Of course we're separate checks! Do you think I want to pay for HIM?" the woman snarls with a monotone laugh and points to her friend.

Wow, some friend. Don't act like he has the Plague or something now, geez.

So the app comes out, then the food. The woman of course complains her steak isn't right, even though it's exactly what she ordered. 3 times I try to get her to allow me to fix it, but she declines.

Know what the funniest part of this was? SHE paid the bill and left me 20%. Was this some twisted server test she gives every server she dines with?