OK, I Can't Make This Shit Up!

Not even if I tried would I ever be able to make up half of the ridiculous stuff that has happened to me since being hired at my current restaurant.

The best story was the Mexican grown man pissing in a bucket on the table, and then leaving it on the table for me with no warning. I shit you not; to this day my coworkers still can't believe it happened to me. It started out with a group of 12 Hispanic people coming to dine in an hour before close, yaaaay!

Anybody who serves probably understands my sarcasm there. As a server, you learn which groups/types of people are probably going to fuck you over on the tip no matter how above and beyond the call of duty you go. A large group like this had the pleasure of being part of a demographic that notoriously stiffs servers no matter what. Nice verbal tippers, but give you the middle finger salute with their "tips". So after taking their order and having all of my coworkers advising me to auto grat them, I had my manager add grat to their $129 bill. Considering how big the bill was, I didn't want to chance it...and it was the smartest thing I did all night.

The first bad sign was the men were drinking like fishes. The second was when dinners came, half of the party magically disappeared. So now I was really nervous that not only would my tip had suffered, but due to half of the party leaving I was afraid they would try to skip out on the bill.

I'm not sure what the deal was with this group. But after and hour and a half they left some cash on the table, smiled and thanked me politely and left. I proceeded to go count the money to make sure it was enough like I always do with parties who leave cash and immediately jet like this one. It seemed fishy to me. I counted out $130. They left me a 7 cent tip, and I'm betting they had no idea I gratted them so if I hadn't they would have just left me SEVEN CENTS. but that wasn't the only think that smelled "fishy"....ooooh no......

I start cleaning up the table. Threw everything into the bus tub and noticed the empty peanut bucket we use to throw shells in has water in it so I toss it in the bus tub. Some splashes on me and I smell ammonia. I hold the bucket up to my nose and oh my fucking god it's urine. The man had pissed in the peanut bucket, presumably under the table, and just left it on the table for me without saying a word and it SPLASHED ON ME!

I can't make this shit up.